i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
