I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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