So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
