come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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