the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
