if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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