I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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