We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
