you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I FOUND THE LEGS
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
