Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
