"it" just moved
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
