So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
