Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
