I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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