Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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