AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
