Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
