I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
