you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How external is "for external use only"?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
