Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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