My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
