He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Terrible idea I love it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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