the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
