Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
