About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
