Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
