Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
