Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
