Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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