I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
