i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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