Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
