he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
