giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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