I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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