The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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