I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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