did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
this is an emotional support booty call
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize