Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's Friday. Sex?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
