In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh god it's open bar.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
