dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
