She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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