You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
