This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
