I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
