Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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