We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
