Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
