I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize