I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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