Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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