I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
