In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
