Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
