Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Boobs speak an international language.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
