I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
