My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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