Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
