i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
