Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
