Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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