just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
