I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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