were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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