we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
