What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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