...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the day after is always just damage control
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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