I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need a beard to bite.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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