your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
