just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
