apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
