i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
