Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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