my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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