he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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