I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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