I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
