So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
