I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
