K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize